The Greek Persuasion by Kimberly K. Robeson

Author:Kimberly K. Robeson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2019-06-10T16:00:00+00:00

23

Encinitas, California

Late April, 2004

“Jess, I would really like to go to Greece this summer. What do you think? Want to go?”

Jessica doesn’t answer, just lies beside me in bed, still half asleep.

“Hmmmm … I don’t know.”

“I was just thinking it would be great for the two of us to get away, and you would love the Greek islands.”

Jessica rolls over, her expression suddenly serious. “Thair, money is kind of tight, and you know I’m saving for fertility treatments.”

Shit. The baby talk again. I have fallen in love with Jessica. She is a fantastic partner, and we have a lot in common, but there is also one monumental issue that we do not see eye to eye on that causes continuous friction. Children. She talks about her plans to have one, and I tell her that it’s not what I want. But neither of us leaves. Most days we are happy and in love, living in a fantasy world where one of us will change our minds; the problem is, it’s a year later and neither is relenting.

I didn’t think we would be having this conversation today, but our time spent together is getting heavier and heavier; Eris, the Goddess of Discord, is making her head apparent in our almost-perfect relationship. Maybe I should just say: “Okay, fine. I’ll have a baby with you.” But I just can’t say those words. How can I plan to co-parent when it’s one of the things I know, viscerally, I do not want?

If Narcissus had had a baby, would he have been less enamored with himself and found that living for another’s happiness is more important—possibly, more fulfilling? I don’t want to lose Jess, but as much as I try to talk myself into conceding, my gut tells me one should not bring children into this world if one is not one hundred percent ready to commit to a lifetime of loving unconditionally. And I do know it to be unconditional. Thair, what about when you are old? You don’t want to be alone. I think that’s a lousy reason to have a child. When children grow up, in my mind, the last thing they need or desire is an aging parent. I know I certainly love my mother with all my heart, but I will never love her with the same love she embraces (and oftentimes suffocates) me with. Still, is there any part of me that desires an itty-bitty, innocent baby in my arms to love unconditionally?

No.

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